Evening at the Circus: Deep South and Fancy Free!
Posted: March 13, 2012 Filed under: 2012 primaries, Live Blog, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Political Affective Disorder, polling, Republican politics, Republican presidential politics, Rick Santorum, SDB Evening News Reads, the GOP, U.S. Politics, We are so F'd | Tags: Alabama Primary, American Samoa, Hawaii Primary, Mississippi Primary 71 CommentsEvenin’ Y’all!
I got a whopper for you tonight. Well, maybe not a “whopper” but dangit, I’m gonna try…just hope its, “gooder than grits.”
The clowns are in the Deep South tonight, fighting for those:
Fried Chicken Eatin’,
Biscuit Soppin’,
Sheet Wearin’,
Dip Chewin’,
Gun Totin’,
Jesus Freak vote.
Earlier today on CNN the headline read: Will the Deep South Deep Six One of the Candidates…it is no longer there.
Someone must have changed it to: Candidates play expectation game in Deep South primaries – CNN.com
That mysterious disappearing headline gave me an idea though… Now, I’ve got a game for you tonight.
See if you can spot the Onion article or Daily Show and Colbert links from the titles below.
GOP candidates get all Southern with cheesy grits and catfish
Gingrich Takes His Stand In Dixieland
Gingrich Desperately Trying To Court People-Who-Vote Vote
Alabama governor: I voted for Santorum but I don’t endorse him
Is The South Too Republican For Republicans?
Polling in Deep South Has Posed Challenges
Republicans’ Southern Strategy
Santorum, Gingrich vie for Southern supremacy
The South’s turn: Romney, Santorum, Gingrich vie
Romney’s status could be clearer after Deep South primaries
Mississippi, Alabama votes test candidates’ conservative credentials
Mitt Romney, Jeff Foxworthy Joke About Hunting
Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way
Santorum accuses Fox News of ‘shilling’ for Romney
Gingrich Opens Door To Teaming Up With Santorum?
Poll: Romney leads three-way race in Texas — but would lose to Santorum one-on-one
The Santorum-Gingrich Stare-Off
You can follow the results of today’s primaries here:
Live blog of Election Day – CNN Political Ticker – CNN.com Blogs
Heads Up – The Dish | By Andrew Sullivan – The Daily Beast
And if you feel like preparing for any exit poll interviews with Alabama and Mississippi voters tonight, may I suggest these handy dictionaries and phrases sites.
Redneck Dictionary Learn ta speak redneck
BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.”MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts.”IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See “Auburn Alumni.”
Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”RANCH – noun. A tool.
Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh
bard a few munts ago.”ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”FAR – noun. A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things
gonna catch far.”BAHS – noun. A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is
gonna far you!”TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t git a flat tar in my pickup
truck.”TIRE – noun. A tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime.”
Redneck Sayings Where you can catch up on phrases like:
peej
Carissa
dakinikat
ecocatwoman
grayslady
mablue2
NW Luna
peggysue22
skydancingguestblogger
Mona (aka Wonk the Vote)
Sky Dancing 
One thing I remember from the Georgia Summer Olympics in 1996 was the Howdy Y’all spelled out during the opening ceremonies…I think they even had women in majorette uniforms throwing batons.
Speaking of Georgia: Georgia Joins Other States in Diverting Foreclosure Fund Settlement Money for Non-Housing Purposes | FDL News Desk
Those Bastards! (shakes fist)
Well, bless their hearts. That’s so Christian of them.
Gol durn those son of a bitches………
Great post, Minx. I could do something close with Boston accents. I mean Bahtsn accents.
Oh yeah, I know you could…maybe when the real elections come round you can post some bean town slang for us…while covering the Mass votes.
And if you ever want a laugh…check this out: Funny Pictures at WalMart
People of Walmart…
As a liberal, I’m feeling guilty for laughing, but dangme, that was good fun, thanks. To be totally honest, I haven’t been to the deep south in many, many years, however the few times I ventured there, most of the people were really quite lovely – has that changed?
Well, I guess it depends on where you are in the deep south and what skin tone you’re sportin’…
So glad you got a laugh out of this post.
Did you figure out the game? Which links are the satire/fake news links?
Darn, you were serious about the links. I looked at all of them and decided they were all satirical. Have to take a second more serious look.
Exit polls Alabama Primaries – Exit/Entrance Polls – Election Center 2012 – Elections & Politics from CNN.com
The vote by race made me laugh…is that bad?
It’s a bad situation but still laughable 🙂
It’s hard to believe any black people voted for any of those guys. Do they have crossover voting in Alabama?
Totals were NA when I looked.
Somebody remind me again why Ron paul is in this still?
I didn’t even bother putting is 200 plus votes on the update…
Ron Paul is an idiot.
My favorite headline is “Is the South too Republican for Republicans?”
But thanks for using that oldie but goodie: “Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way.”
Oh, my… 😯
You know BB, when you sent that to me a week or so ago…I almost peed I laughed so hard. (TMI I know…but its true)
With Santorum and Gingrich splitting the conservative vote, Romney may squeak out a plurality win. With Gingrich out, Romney would be dead meat.
At the moment, it’s looking good for Santorum in both states.
That would make sense. He is doing well in Louisiana too accept around here.
CNN said 81% in MS and 73% of AL republicans were white evangelicals
He is actually in Louisiana tonight.
Exit polls show Romney, Santorum leading in Deep South | Reuters
Via CNN…
Alabama
Updated 9:06 p.m. ET, Mar 13, 2012
1%
reporting
Santorum
1,199
32%
Gingrich
1,099
30%
Romney
1,090
29%
Mississippi
Updated 9:07 p.m. ET, Mar 13, 2012
9%
reporting
Santorum
5,788
33%
Romney
5,307
31%
Gingrich
5,108
29%
Did you all see that the drummer for the Doobie Bros. died…Doobie Brothers’ drummer dies of cancer at age 65 | Reuters
In other entertainment news, Moosolini wants to debate Obama or something in a word salad.
Some other news links: U.S. News – Major fire chokes Boston’s Back Bay; hotel evacuated amid fears of toxic smoke
World News – Obama: Killing Afghans as serious as killing Americans
British police arrest 6 in phone hacking scandal – latimes.com
Well, ought to get up …….an’ go to bed………..
Maddow is rescheduling Inhofe due to the primaries. That’s kind of weird since they knew the primaries were scheduled for today. Here’s the announcement: http://maddowblog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/03/13/10673613-programming-note-of-the-good-news-bad-news-variety Have to share this Right Wing piece on Maddow/Inhofe:
http://www.wnd.com/2012/03/senator-to-herald-greatest-hoax-on-msnbc/ Amazing what you stumble upon when googling!
Think I’m going to call it a night. I can wait until morning for the results. It’s going to be Lame, Lamer or Lamest that wins, just not Paul.
That is kind of strange. I wonder why she scheduled him for tonight in the first place. The second article is a hoot, Connie!
Sleep well.
Glad you liked it. It is just so sad and stupid. And yeah, why would her folks schedule him for a primary night? Does that person still have a job? I’m hoping he’s going to do The Daily Show too. Jon will chew him up. Speaking of which, did you see Grover the Nerdquist from last night? Jon had him stuttering and at a loss for words. Loved it! Grover is always so self assured & arrogant with whoever interviews him.
No, I almost never watch TV. I should go find that one on-line.
Think that’s odd, Allen West thinks a future Republican president should be given credit for stock market gains. This doofus is a real loon 🙂
http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2012/03/13/444030/allen-west-stock-market/
Pill Baby Pill: Law Will Allow Employers to Fire #Women for Using Whore Pills – @Jezebel http://jezebel.com/5893011/law-will-allow-employers-to-fire-women-for-using-whore-pills
Good grief, there is simply no let up on this War On Women by Republicans and now the GOP women have joined in…next up women burned at the stake? Register to vote women and vote them out, out, out, OUT!
These people are totally insane. The crazies have taken over the asylum. Yikes!
I see Santorum won…gag.
Still haven’t caught up with the comments and the other two post from today. Dag numbit.
Ron Paul is getting the crap kicked out of him. You would think it would embarrass him enough to drop out eventually.
Rachel just announced that NBC has called Bama for InSanitorium.
MSNBC projects Santorum the winner in Alabama.
Cool. Hope he wins Mississippi now.
It’s very close between him and Romney.
Time for Newt to drop out and let Romney go head to head with Man on Dog.
This is bizarre. The Mad Hatter’s tea party is saner than this Republican run for the brass ring.
President Frothy Mix. It has a bit of ring to it all right 🙂
His family always has the expressions of characters from the twilight zone.
Surreal. At least 1/3 of the country is seriously delusional.
Romney is going to come in third in both Alabama and Mississippi. He couldn’t even beat Newt.
Pathetic.
They called both states for Santorum and he is ahead here in LA too.
I like it in a perverse kind of way.
Yay! Santorum vs. Obama would be hilarious!
Not sure which I prefer right now: Quitterella or Moosolini. Either way they both have me laughing out loud each time I see it.
Anyway, Saintorum won both Southern appendages – I refuse to call them states since they don’t believe in evolution or teeth for that matter – which puts another smile on my face because as much as I loathe Ricky Boy I detest Mittens with equal ferocity.
This is going to be fun going forward with each one trying to outdo the other with their conservative creds.
Amazing isn’t it, just how freakin’ crazy people have gotten. I never liked the whole race angle but if that’s not heavily involved in the more outlandish O-hate I would be shocked.
I still like snowflake snookie.
🙂
I have a very tasteless joke about teeth…told to me by an alcoholic attorney in Blue Ridge. What has six tits and four teeth? The nightshift at the Waffle King.
Okay, I just caught Uncle Newt’s speech. Or whatever that was, saying how he and his best pal Rick blew away the Inevitable One. In one way, I’m stunned that Santorum [who lost his Pa seat by 18 points] took these primaries. But . . . right before dinner, I heard a rep from Alabama who actually said out loud that Romney’s Mormon faith was a problem.
So, for all those dedicated Christians who scream about religious liberty? It all boils down to: if you ain’t their kind of Christian, you got big problems.
Priceless!
White, Christian, Republicans and it helps if you are male.
Other than that no one else need apply.
And with Rick up there practically nailed to the cross it is only natural they would throw their votes his way.
All Mitt has in his arsenal is that shit eating smile that is getting on my nerves.
They really hate Obama, no question about that.
Much of what they say is coded but it is there. Which is why the “birther” issue lasted as long as it did. They did the same with the Clinton’s always suggesting that they were drug dealing murderers who did away with Vince Foster because “he knew too much”.
That sort of crapola goes down well with these people especially when they refuse to accept that people they consider beneath them are elected president.
I loathed Bush for being a stupid, lying, two faced war criminal with blood on his hands but they hate Obama for the color of his skin.
Of course they hate women, gays, poor, seniors, right along with Obama which makes them equal opportunity haters which is something you have to give them credit for as far as consistency is involved.
You left out brown immigrants. They hate them to, so yes they are consistent.
Do Newt and Callista consider their second place showing a “win”?
They should consider not being laughed out of a room a “win”, 😉
I may consider voting for Saintorum if he promises to rid the airwaves of Snooki and the Kardashians.
This is one issue dear to my heart and I have yet to hear one politician bringing it up for discussion.
We’ve had just about everything else so I would hope they would begin to get serious.
Some people in Virginia have been posting on a wingnut’s facebook page. 🙂
Hilarious: VA Right-Wingnut Sen. Ryan McDougle Gets a Taste of His Own (Transvaginal) Medicine!
That is awesome.
Jon Stewart: Fox, shut the f*ck up about how victimized you are
Jon Stewart, America’s #1 public intellectual strikes again 🙂
Just finished writing the post for tomorrow AM and checking out what Jon Stewart did tonight was the next place I was heading. Thanks for the link.
Anytime. Good evening.
This is a good video. Taylor Swift with The Civil Wars from Hunger Games …