Evening at the Circus: Deep South and Fancy Free!

Evenin’ Y’all!

I got a whopper for you tonight. Well, maybe not a “whopper” but dangit, I’m gonna try…just hope its, “gooder than grits.”

The clowns are in the Deep South tonight, fighting for those:

Fried Chicken Eatin’,

Biscuit Soppin’,

Sheet Wearin’,

Dip Chewin’,

Gun Totin’,

Jesus Freak vote.

Earlier today on CNN the headline read: Will the Deep South Deep Six One of the Candidates…it is no longer there.

Someone must have changed it to: Candidates play expectation game in Deep South primaries – CNN.com

That mysterious disappearing headline gave me an idea though… Now, I’ve got a game for you tonight.

See if you can spot the Onion article or Daily Show and Colbert links from the titles below.

GOP candidates get all Southern with cheesy grits and catfish

Gingrich Takes His Stand In Dixieland

Gingrich Desperately Trying To Court People-Who-Vote Vote

Alabama governor: I voted for Santorum but I don’t endorse him

Is The South Too Republican For Republicans?

Polling in Deep South Has Posed Challenges

Republicans’ Southern Strategy

Santorum, Gingrich vie for Southern supremacy

The South’s turn: Romney, Santorum, Gingrich vie

Romney’s status could be clearer after Deep South primaries

Win Dixie

Mississippi, Alabama votes test candidates’ conservative credentials

Mitt Romney, Jeff Foxworthy Joke About Hunting

Santorum comes from behind in Alabama three-way

Santorum accuses Fox News of ‘shilling’ for Romney

Gingrich Opens Door To Teaming Up With Santorum?

Romney, Gingrich and Santorum Battle in South: Candidates run neck-and-neck in polling in Alabama, Mississippi

Poll: Romney leads three-way race in Texas — but would lose to Santorum one-on-one

The Santorum-Gingrich Stare-Off

You can follow the results of today’s primaries here:

Live blog of Election Day – CNN Political Ticker – CNN.com Blogs

Heads Up – The Dish | By Andrew Sullivan – The Daily Beast

And if you feel like preparing for any exit poll interviews with Alabama and Mississippi voters tonight, may I suggest these handy dictionaries and phrases sites.

Redneck Dictionary Learn ta speak redneck

BARD – verb. Past tense of the infinitive “to borrow.”
Usage: “My brother bard my pickup truck.”

JAWJUH – noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck.”

MUNTS – noun. A calendar division.
Usage: “My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from him in munts.”

IGNERT – adjective. Not smart. See “Auburn Alumni.”
Usage: “Them N-C-TWO-A boys sure are ignert!”

RANCH – noun. A tool.
Usage: “I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh
bard a few munts ago.”

ALL – noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: “I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck.”

FAR – noun. A conflagration.
Usage: “If my brother from Jawjuh doesn’t change the all in my pickup truck, that things
gonna catch far.”

BAHS – noun. A supervisor.
Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is
gonna far you!”

TAR – noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: “Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn’t git a flat tar in my pickup

TIRE – noun. A tall monument.
Usage: “Lord willing and the creeks don’t rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
Paris sometime.”

Redneck Sayings Where you can catch up on phrases like:

“Well, knock me down and steal muh teeth!”

“This oughta jar your preserves.”

“Don’t you make me open a can o’ whoop-ass on ya.”

“It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” 

“It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.”

“Wintery roads are said to be “slicker than otter snot.”
A bothersome person is “like a booger you cain’t thump off.” 
When something doesn’t work, you say, “That ain’t no count.”
If something is hard to do, it’s “like trying to herd cats.” 
“He ran like his feet was on fire and his butt was catchin.”
Any insult is followed by, “Bless her heart.”
“She’s dumber’n a door knob. Bless her heart.”
“She’s uglier than a bucket full of armpits. Bless her heart.”

I can attest to that bless her heart thing…I hear it all the time…

Of course if it is interviews you’ll be watching, I got a good interview for ya rat har:

Even Redneck Women know the importance of dressing up for swanky places:

Let the fun begin…we will post results as they happen…feel free to think of this as an open thread too, post links to stuff you are readin’ t-nite.