Live Blog: Live Blog Republican Debate Hell Realm

Good Evening!

Well, if last night’s Democratic Debate wasn’t enough over kill for you, tonight’s Republican debate should do you in.

The debate is hosted by CNN and takes place in the battleground state of Florida which is basically Rubio’s Last Stand or (hmmm)  the Rubiocon.  Did that come off more like a convention for dimbulbs or as I intended?

Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, John Kasich and Marco Rubio will face off at CNN’s presidential debate on Thursday night in a state that could make one of the four men virtually unstoppable — and spell doom for another.

Thursday’s debate here comes just five days ahead of the next week’s “Super Tuesday 3,” when there are more than 350 delegates up for grabs, including in winner-take-all contests in Florida and Ohio.

 Both Trump and Rubio are predicting that they will be victorious here in the Sunshine State, and fully aware of how much is riding on Florida. For Trump, a win here would fuel his growing momentum and further grow his delegate lead; for Rubio, losing his home state could be the death knell for his campaign.

Cruz and Kasich will also take the debate stage at a crucial moment in their campaigns. Cruz is aggressively trying to convince the Republican Party to coalesce around him, arguing he is the only candidate other than Trump capable of reaching 1,237 delegates; Kasich, who still has not won a single state, is eying his home state of Ohio with fresh optimism after a new poll this week showed him ahead of Rubio nationally. A Fox News poll released Wednesday showed Kasich leading Trump in Ohio, but the front-runner topping Rubio in Florida.

How will Little Marcio and Lying Ted stand up against Big Donald? Also, is this just an opportunity for Kasich to apply for the VP slot?

A CNN/ORC Pol has Trump and Clinton leading in Florida and Ohio. There is less likely to be Michigan-like sampling mistakes in these states because of neither are completely open states.

This debate could be ugly.  Here’s our check off list per Gizmo.

The nuanced language and posture of each candidate.

Each candidate’s stated position on national security.

Dangerous rhetorical slip ups that could tilt the public’s perception.

Cruz’s aggressiveness towards Trump.

Rubio’s decision to dial back his negative attacks on Trump.

Underhanded compliments.

Zest for life from any of the four potential nominees.

Illness resulting from a grueling campaign schedule.

Statements about immigration.

The amount of perspiration coming from each candidate.

Hillary’s tweets during the debate.

Every time Cruz looks directly at the camera.

Zealous fans of establishment candidates in the audience.

Oligarchy.

Discussion of gun deaths in America and around the world.

International trade agreements.

Any direct attacks on Bernie rather than Hillary.

Cautious wording about deportation of undocumented immigrants.

Killer apps.

Interest in anything besides yelling.

Loud cheers for Kasich on moderate policy positions.

Love.

Every time Ted Cruz, a sitting Senator, says the word “establishment”

Racist stuff and all that.

Okay, that wasn’t serious. Well, kinda sorta.  Let’s try that again.

Here’s the information on how to watch the Zodiac Killer  Senator Ted Cruz and the others debate.  If the others are still alive after Ted’s Dominionist Demons get to them.

Tonight’s Republican debate will air on CNN. But don’t worry: If you don’t have cable, you’ll still be able to tune in — an online live stream will be free and available to all at CNN.com. The network has said the event will kick off at 8:30 pm Eastern in Miami, Florida.

This debate is the final one before a crucial day of voting in the GOP race on Tuesday, March 15. Five states — Florida, Ohio, Illinois, North Carolina, and Missouri — will go to the polls that day, and about 15 percent of overall Republican delegates will be up for grabs. Even more importantly, both Florida and Ohio allot all their delegates to whichever candidate comes in first, so Donald Trump has a big opportunity to expand his already sizable delegate lead.

 Trump also has the chance to knock Marco Rubio and John Kasich out of the race, which he’d likely do if he beats each man in his home state. And he could well pull it off. Polls show Trump up big in Florida and neck and neck with Kasich in Ohio.

Rubio’s campaign appears to be in free fall lately — his performance in Tuesday’s elections was simply disastrous, and there’s been increasing speculation that he’ll drop out of the race soon. This debate is likely his last chance to turn his prospects around.

Do you think I’m tired of these freaking things yet?

So, here’s some good stuff to cheer you up about last night’s miserable excuse for a panel of human beings/journos asking questions of Democratic Presidential Candidates.

From Wonkette:

what the hell did we just watch?!

Dear Univision: Show Us On The Doll Where Hillary And Bernie Hurt You“Interrumpiendo La Vaca MUUUUUUUUUU!!!!”

It wasn’t just the questions themselves, either. Remember when Evan made that hilarious interrupting cow en Español joke yesterday? Yeah, so did the Univision debate moderators, apparently, because they spent the entire night doing it, repeatedly cutting off both candidates halfway through (not unreasonably long!) responses. Any time Bernie and Hillary started to go back and forth on a subject — y’know, to have a fucking debate — all three moderators brusquely attempted to force them to move on. At two separate points, Ramos told Bernie “You have 30 seconds,” then tried to cut him off before he hit 15. Even Hillary looked like she wanted to say “For fuck’s sake, let the man speak.”It wasn’t just that they were interrupted, either, it was how relentlessly dickish the moderators were about it. Four separate times (three for Bernie, one for Hillary), the candidates had clearly finished speaking, but the moderators made it a point to snap “YOUR TIME IS UP” anyway.So That Was The Most Badly Moderated Debate We’ll Ever See, Right?

God, we hope so.

From WAPO:

Please make these debates stop. I’m not having fun any more. Please let me out of this deep well. And stop giving me lotion. I don’t want any more lotion. I just want to go one night without watching a dang debate. Here is my recap of the last one. Won’t that suffice?

If not, here is the Wednesday night Univision/Washington Post debate summarized for those of you who were not unexpectedly trapped when helping a seemingly friendly stranger move a large unwieldy piece of furniture into a van and forced to watch these debates FOREVER PLEASE HAVE MERCY SEND SNACKS AT LEAST.

Clinton: Thank you for having me. I’ve been looking forward to this debate.

Maria Elena Salinas: Secretary Clinton, why don’t people trust you?

Clinton: Maybe it’s because I just said that I was looking forward to this debate, which is either a bald-faced lie or a sign that I am some kind of a sociopath. We had one of these three days ago. Why would we have another one now? Did you just want to torment me by putting me in another situation where a man makes unrealistic promises and waves his arms while I have to smile and look unruffled, all the while living with the knowledge that somehow he was what the people of Michigan wanted, not me? What does he have that I do not have? Does this answer your question?

Salinas: Maybe?

Salinas: Secretary Clinton, why don’t people like you?

Clinton: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER THAT

SERIOUSLY

Ladies and Gentlemen!  Start your popcorn poppers!!!