Allow me to Rant a minute here …

ann margaret carnal knowledgeSo, it’s been gloomy, drizzly, chilly and foggy here for at least a week. It poured last night and there were flood warnings every where.  That means it’s one of those weeks where you tend to spend too much time indoors; and that, of course, means the TV is on way too much.   Most of the time I’ve got TV news in the background or the Weather Channel given the right mix of severe weather conditions anyway.  We had that outbreak of tornadoes a few weeks ago.   I keep telling myself to pull out my videos and books but I also have to do some paper grading and such so it’s not always a good idea for me to get all that distracted.

It’s also been a month of dreary news.  We’ve seen some of the worst puffery coming from congress.   Many of these old white dudes have decided to take a stand on excessive spending. Our so-called leaders pride themselves on denying victims of Hurricane Sandy a pittance of our vast national wealth.  Then, there’s the national “debate” on what kind of arsenals crazy white men are allowed to have and if we have to turn our grade schools into army bases while denying our children other things like computers, school lunches, and well paid and respected teachers.  Add a heaping shit load of rape culture and predatory, pampered, and protected athletes from universities and high schools and just the regular news is enough to let you know that there’s so much rampant male bravado and privilege in this damned country gone amok that you wouldn’t think you’d need many more reminders. But, there are many more reminders that our culture is penis obsessed.  It’s all over the damned TV these days.

Again, I’ve had the TV on way too much and I’m served up not only these real things but a big ol’ helping of men who need pills, potions, ointments, and austin powerscontraptions for erections.  There are these TV commercials where ugly, nasty looking trolls like, say, Mitch McConnell, talk about how happy their wives are now because they are real mean again.  Some how, I can’t imagine their wives being all that happy but maybe it’s just me.

I’m regaled with yucky details about how they have to lead seal team-like searches for bathroom locations because of poorly functioning prostates.  How they still really find their wives charming–complete with flirty, child behaving adult women as props–so they just simply have to have ointments, pumps, and pills to pork them at will. The new, big affront is some kind of testosterone cream that evidently has horrible side effects for any child or women who comes near it.  All of this is necessary because they might ‘fade’ into the background because their penises just don’t do things they used to do and which–by the way–is perfectly natural for their age.

You’re old, your whiteness isn’t that special, and your damned leaky, flaccid, penises shouldn’t be the continual obsession of drug companies and Madison Avenue.  WTF is wrong with you?  The worst of the ads come on late at night and involve some kind of suction contraption where some of the worst looking men in the world go on about being the best they can be.

These never ending assaults of televised white penis obsession are gross and rather traumatizing. It brings back all those icky moments in my life when I realized that a lot of my life was going to be defined around having to deal with them and deal with the fact that a portion of the planet was so obsessed with theirs that the fact I didn’t have one was going to be an issue for all kinds of things. It also reminds me that I have two daughters that still have to deal with this kind of crap.

First, and foremost it brings me back to a first date I had in my freshmen year of college who took me to see the movie Carnal Knowledge showing at one of those Midnight Movie extravaganzas that was so popular back in the day.  He ended our date with the pitch “Wanna ball?”  That should’ve been a warning to me right there.  For those of you that want a reminder of that movie, here’s the last scenes that really stuck in my teenage mind.  That would be the Ball Busters on parade slide show and the hooker scene where the male erection seems to be the center of everything.

penisaurus2Anyway, I’ve turned off the TV.  I feel like it’s an all out assault.  It reminds me of another penisaurus1one of those movies that I saw with that same guy at that same midnight movie series about a month later.   Flesh Gordan is a movie not worth seeing but I do want to mention the attack of the penisaurus scene because, wow they’re back, they’re flaccid and mad and they evidently need all kinds of pumps, attention, creams, pills, and air time. Oh, and did I mention they come attached to a lot of dudes that need some serious psychotherapy?


41 Comments on “Allow me to Rant a minute here …”

  1. Mary Luke says:

    Kat I know it’s not funny but I am cracking up here! Yes they are attached to persons in need of intensive psychotherapy. I’m so glad you wrote this. I for one am sick (literally) of having this parade of creams, ointments, pills, pumps, and who-knows-what next blaring at me every time I just want the weather report. Grow up fellas! If you’re old enough to be watching the news on t.v., then here’s the news-we’re not that interested!

  2. bostonboomer says:

    Those ads drive me nuts! Just be glad you don’t like sports, because every other ad on sports events is for guys who can’t get it up anymore. Who knew there were so many men with these problems? What’s strange is that ads for personal products for women seem to have been banned from TV these days, but the male prostate remedies, Viagra and Cialis ads are everywhere.

    On my satellite radio there is an ad that plays constantly for some kind of Viagra clone that is supposed to work in 7 seconds. You hear this old guy voice raving about how great it is– “Look down!” “This feels awesome!” I have to use the mute button a lot.

    • bostonboomer says:

      It isn’t just white guys in the ads, though. There are a couple of TV ads running right now for Cialis and Viagra with black couples in them.

      • dakinikat says:

        I hated it when we had all those ads on about how your stinky vagina needed special attention too. I’m glad they’re mostly gone. I’ve noticed they’ve started putting black men on those ads but secretly I’ve wondered if it’s not just to make the white men feel better. The black men I’ve been with seem to accept it all as part of the aging process. The only guys I’ve known that go heavy for the meds are white men, frankly but that’s anecdotal and a relatively small sample size coming from me. The overwhelming majority of the ads and the pitchmen in the ads are white at the moment. I used to laugh at the Smiling Bob ads but the ones that really get me are the ones on the Testosterone creams.

  3. Eric Pleim says:

    I take it that you’re trying to be funny, but this is really not that funny at all. I won’t go into a point by point rebuttal. I’ll only observe that if a man went into a similarly mean spirited rant attacking ugly, old, dried up, saggy, wrinkled bags, the feminists around here would have a coronary. The ED ads are uncomfortable to watch, for men too, but it only seems as bad as it does because they are a fairly new phenomenon. Men and women alike for many decades have had to endure ads aimed at aging women that try to address wrinkling skin, excess hair in unwanted places, vaginal odors and itches, not to mention a whole giant industry devoted to (head) hair to name just a few off the top of my head..

    And what’s the deal with whiteness? You mention being white in a negative manner in at least three different places. African Americans are featured in ads for Cialis and Viagra at least proportionally to their representation in the population. Surely you don’t need reminding that black people commit gun crimes at a rate far exceeding that of whites. “White penis obsession?” Come on, you can do better than that.

    • RalphB says:

      Come on, it’s creepy. Sanitary pads with “wings” are also creepy but not as pervasive any more.

      • dakinikat says:

        Exactly. It’s not in the same category as the wrinkle and hair loss thing. It’s not even in the same category as sanitary products, condoms, or birth control pills. The old douche commercials which freaked me out when they were on are the only things I can compare to. It’s like making something natural totally creepy and unnatural ..
        and women are really used like props in those commercials …

      • bostonboomer says:

        The “cute,” giggling wives are the worst part of the TV commercials. They’re demeaning to both men and women.

      • ANonOMouse says:

        I agree BB…..It’s not even that the wives are “giggling or “cute” that i find so damned irritating, it’s that they portray those women as behaving like 10 year old girls, skipping, dancing in the rain, lip syncing, hopping on one foot. I’m surprised they don’t have the women playing jacks or jumping rope. There is a subliminal message in those commercials and the message is that men are attracted to little girls. I’m sure I’m not the only person who’s picked up on that message.

        And I know where you’re coming from too Dak. The his/hers lubricating gel commercials are off the absurdity chart. Everytime I see that commercial I know that some mom, somewhere is trying to explain that commercial to her 6 year old child. I’m not a prude, but I do think that commericals are overly sexualized. Goddam, even fast-food commercials are full of sexual innuendo. And I loathe the “get it up” commercials, not because I don’t think men should have access to that information, but because they present it in ridiculous ways, especially those with the couple in their lawn bathtub. Where in the hell do people take side-by-side baths on the lawn watching an ocean sunset? Kinkybunkport?

        • dakinikat says:

          The more that I think about, the only men I know that have talked to me about using these products are 40 -50 year old white guys with 20-30 year old girl friends. I wonder if my experience is unique?

      • RalphB says:

        “Kinkybunkport?” Mouse that’s hilarious 🙂

    • bostonboomer says:

      There’s absolutely no need for these ads to be on TV, especially at times when kids might see them and ask for explanations. Name me one man who doesn’t know these products and drugs exist. Let it be between men and their doctors. There have been ads for men’s hair products and colognes, etc. forever too. I dislike all ads, but these ED ads are the worst. It leaves you with the feeling that American men are mostly impotent. Is that the view of men you want out there?

  4. RalphB says:

    As an old straight white functional male, I have to say that shit creeps me out as well. Though at the same time it is kind of fun to think of all those impotent right wingers and the assortment of products they seem to need. This was a hilarious post to me. 🙂

  5. dakinikat says:

    Pat Robertson explains how women letting themselves go is why men are having all these problems …

    • ANonOMouse says:

      What a lousy prick Robertson is!!! He recently advised a caller whose wife has Alzheimers to get a divorce because his wife could no longer be a sexual partner and the man had “needs”. I don’t know how anyone could call themself a messenger of jesus and spout opinions so diametrically opposed to the teachings of his messiah. He’s fucked in the brain.

  6. dakinikat says:

    BB: I found one of those right wingers that says the Sandy Hook Massacre was a hoax I was telling you about …

    Tracy, who is allegedly known for his conspiracy theories, writes in his blog that the school tragedy was an orchestrated event created by the Obama Administration as a ruse to implement gun control. Connecticut officials understandably want the professor to be terminated. It is interesting to note that Florida Atlantic University is supported by The Koch Brothers.

  7. Eric Pleim says:

    Sure ads about erections are not everybody’s cup of tea, but they can be funny as well as offensive. Who hasn’t given a chuckle of recognition at the dude who throws the football right through the hanging tire. Or imagining the domestic scene when the viagra taker calls his doctor to report his over 4 hour erection.. Or mused on the significance of a couple relaxing in separate matched outdoor bathtubs? It’s funny stuff I tell ya.

    • bostonboomer says:

      Um…..I’ve never chuckled at any of that stuff. Frankly I turn the TV off or mute the sound, so I’ve probably never seen very many of them all the way through. My time is more valuable to me. I’d rather read a book than look for humor in Cialis and Viagra commercials.

      It’s not that I don’t have sympathy for men who have these problems. I just don’t want to hear about it constantly. If the commercials were on only occasionally, maybe it wouldn’t be so annoying. But they are constant.

      • Eric Pleim says:

        Well I didn’t mean you necessarily. I was talking about people who have a sense of humor.

        Being disabled, I tend to see a lot of daytime TV. I can tell you the smelly vagina commercials outnumber the limp dick ads by a considerable margin at that time.

        Constant? What do you mean constant? If there were a channel that had ED ads on 24/7 (i.e. constantly) I don’t think it would be a viable concern.

        I’m glad to know that you would rather read a book than watch commercials. Would that the rest of us could make a claim to your intellectual purity.

        Sorry for the sarcasm, Boomer, but you asked for it with this condescending post.

    • NW Luna says:

      An over 4-hr erection is a surgical emergency — I kinda hate to be the voice of medical sense here, but it is. Necrosis (tissue damage and death) can occur…..) OTOH, it might be poetic justice, lol.

  8. Fannie says:

    Makes me think of that dude who went to the airport in sweatpants, and had taken Viagra, and had to go through TSA four times, and finally had a full pat down……………he was own his way to take care of business……………..Then their is the guy whose penis exploded, that really caught my eye while I checking out at the grocery store.

    Personally I am waiting for the day Men can take birthcontrol, and Midol to go with……………..and have to pay it out of their own pockets, let’s hope it’s tripled in price by then.

    Oh, yeah, something like $280 million is spent on penis pumps, don’t hear much about that. It makes you wonder if all this really works? Does it?

    • dakinikat says:

      Medicare covers penis pumps even! Prisoners get blue pills! How is this necessary? I don’t see how avoiding the conversation and the foreplay that it takes to get older men ready sometimes being a good trade off for pills that give them bursting erections. To me, it’s a sort’ve emblematic problem. First, it’s like these guys that want rocket launchers. They don’t need them, they just feel like some how they’re more of a man if they have them and they think that the country owes them whatever they want. It’s part of the privilege. Second, it puts the male orgasm and male performance on a similar level to women’s sexuality and I think a lot of men have problems with that. It’s like the world owes them the sexual experience and proclivities of their 18 year old selves and they don’t like having a more complex and nuanced response. I can’t believe that low T is a real illness and I can’t believe that all erectile dysfunction is actually something that requires some medical response.

      • NW Luna says:

        Within certain strict parameters, low T is a real illness for both men and women. Women have testosterone, just as men have estrogen, just in different proportions.

        But far too many patients who do not have medical low testosterone are given supplementation by pushover prescribers …. or maybe it’s insecure male prescribers. There are some real side effects with unnecessary supplementation of testosterone. Including more risk for prostate and other cancers.

      • dakinikat says:

        I saw them throw estrogen and sedatives at my mother when she was going through menopause. What she needed was therapy for the abuse she suffered as a child, some antidepressants, and basic mental health care. I can’t imagine what my life would’ve been like if my mother would’ve gotten more than just heavy doses of estrogen and a few mother’s little helpers. It seems that a lot of doctors wills till just write scripts rather than figure out what the real issue might be. But, I suppose that’s the way things are set up these days since we’re still based on making profits for third party payers than actually giving folks health care.

    • bostonboomer says:

      OMG, Fannie, his penis exploded? The TSA story is a riot! LMAO!

  9. Fannie says:

    who knows Dak, someday they might even have a smart card implanted, with Grade A written all over their penis.

  10. HT says:

    Wonderful commentary! I was so goshdarned sick of the crap about women’s problems with bladders, tampons, pads with wings and douches that made one smell pristine 20 years ago that I stopped my cable s,ubscription because I didn’t want my children to grow up with a skewed idea of sexuality. Best thing I ever did for them and for me. Sad thing but true, they’ve invaded the internet and now I get all of that Viagra Cialis crap whenever I sign on to youtube. Marketing has become an industry that is devoid of any ethical responsibility. For people who have problems, their doctor is their best friend – not a minute advertisment on a television show. And does anybody actually listen to all of the potential nasty side effects?

  11. NW Luna says:

    Most non-psychogenic erectile dysfunction is due hypertension, dyslipidemia, diabetes, obesity, or med side effects. Any primary care clinician worth her/his degree would screen and treat for those first, before throwing an[other] expensive and potentially risky med at the patient. Oh, and provide patient education that with age, everything is probably going to take a little to a lot longer.

    Erectile dysfunction may be an early manifestation of endothelial dysfunction, which precedes more severe, systemic atherosclerotic, cardiovascular disease. In addition, many medications, especially antihypertensive and antidepressant agents, are associated with erectile dysfunction.
    In: Current Medical Dx & Tx, Chapter 23. Urologic Disorders, Maxwell V. Meng, MD, FACS, Marshall L. Stoller, MD, Thomas J. Walsh, MD, MS

    Deaths have occurred from erectile dysfunction aka impotence drugs. If this was a woman’s problem, the drugs would likely be banned as “dangerous,” or tightly regulated like Plan B and misoprostol, RU-47, and the like. Men could only get them if their wives or, if under 25, their mothers agreed.

    Meanwhile women still don’t have fast and easy access to emergency contraception. Or even plain ordinary contraception methods.

  12. Delphyne says:

    Not sure if this will embed – from George Takei’s FB page.