Wednesday Reads: Fools Paradise

a26786372104feb27c9ac6d5fbb22893Happy April Fools Day!

Well, another April Fools Day is here.

So here are your links for the day:

April Fools’ Day 2015 – the best jokes from around the world | World news | The Guardian

Hong Kong – 7-Eleven recruiting French sommeliers who speak Putonghua

In Hong Kong, it is almost 7pm. The worst of April Fools’ Day is thankfully behind them. But how do they celebrate April Fools’ Day in Hong Kong? Glad you ask. They apparently celebrate it by being legitimately impenetrable:

Website and print magazine Wine Times HK, best known for its forthright opinions on the local wine scene, managed to cram three issues into one hoax.

aff6390a5c5a81fb67e8c7c657194d16In a humorous sideswipe at the large number of new French arrivals on the F&B scene, the number of mainland tourists in the city and the struggle for custom between Lan Kwai Fong bars and convenience stores, Wine Times claimed that 7-Eleven would be recruiting French sommeliers who speak Putonghua to advise mainland customers.

And this one:

Props to Nature, though, for writing an article about why dragons are real with such unswerving verisimilitude that I read one line, thought ‘this is too clever for me’ and took their word for it, as I have with every Nature article I’ve ever tried to read.

And…

Right, look, I’m getting pummelled with bloody PR emails at the moment. To save everyone a lot of time 690f965c0a8da20df8db5a41fa1999b3and emotional energy I’m just going to bulletpoint them for you.

  • Beefeater is renaming itself Leafeater (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! But it is still the place you take your mum for mothers’ day when all the nice restaurants are booked)
  • You can sleep in Costa Coffee now (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Although you technically can anyway because what are they going to do, kick you out for being tired, the Nazis?)
  • Someone’s made tartan paint (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! I hate the world and everything in it!)
  • Someone’s made a voice activated printer (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Even though that actually sounds like a good idea and whoever sent me this email is an idiot for not patenting it)
  • dcd8850ba5c54fb2e99c79246d8962bdThere’s something called a reverse toilet (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Although to be fair I didn’t actually read this one because it made it sound like a machine that shoots someone else’s poo up your bumhole and it made me feel a bit sick)
  • A cleaning service for dolls’ houses (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Also, whimsy. A billion points deducted)
  • Hailo have started a service that’s literally just a man giving you a piggyback (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! You’re still going to only use Uber anyway)
  • Rosetta Stone can translate your dog’s barks now (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! However, it’s a scientific fact that everything your dog says is a variation of ‘I hate you, you are a bad owner, my life is filled with sadness and also most Rosetta Stone products are about 45% too expensive).

643407ad6a38df9742607b6910757346Hope that helps.

 

More at the link.

Other AFD jokes on the web: Tech sites lead on April Fools gags – BBC News

The Force – the mysterious energy field used by the Jedi in Star Wars – has been discovered by researchers at the Cern laboratory.

The European research centre announced its spoof discovery with pictures showing its scientists using The Force in everyday life.

It was one of many April Fools jokes seen on websites around the world.

7fa619fbbeff6670227c4fdfd829b58eOthers included a selfie shoe, driverless pizza delivery and thought-powered web search.

“The Force is what gives a particle physicist his powers,” said Cern scientist Ben Kenobi of the University of Mos Eisley, Tatooine in a press release.

Many scientists at the centre were already using The Force, said the release, to communicate over long distances, influence minds and for “lifting heavy things out of swamps”.

Others from companies like Microsoft at that link as well…

11 April Fools’ Day Jokes From Google | Mental Floss

3dd6052775f80ce3afe026af7b928f9cThat one is a best of list.

The rest of the links are in dump format, yes I am still sick…and it is frustrating as hell.

Over 1,000 People Discovered at Medieval Cemetery underneath the University of Cambridge

They Are No Men: Tolkien’s 6 Most Bad-Ass Forgotten Ladies | The Mary Sue

698e9fa161920cb0bdb515f64df76a38Isotope study shows which urban ants love junk food

Medieval Medicine Could Help Fight Superbug MRSA | Mental Floss

White Supremacists And Fox News Join To Suppress Academic Freedom | News Corpse

Arizona Governor Signs Bill Requiring Doctors to Lie to Women | The Bob and Chez Show | News and Politics Podcast and Blog

8dc9388a0badb24f6e4378c35b4306b0Eschaton: The War On Some Women Who Have Miscarriages

Indiana woman jailed for “feticide.” It’s never happened before. – The Washington Post

David Letterman counts down the top 10 guys Indiana Gov. Mike Pence looks like – The Washington Post

Patton Oswalt Welcomes Trevor Noah to Outrage Twitter in 53-Part Mock-Tweetstorm | Mediaite

Walmart Gave Workers a Raise—But It’s Not Enough To Keep Them Off the Dole | Mother Jones

Pregnant TV presenter Kristi Gordon receives hate mail for her clothes and ‘gross’ body – Americas – World – The Independent

And finally:

34da34b29f270c58ed122f9e83f99123Little bird’s arduous migration reaches ‘brink of impossibility’ | Reuters

The blackpoll warbler accomplishes a mighty big feat for a such a little bird.

Scientists on Tuesday documented how this songbird that weighs half an ounce (12 grams) completes an arduous nonstop flight over the Atlantic Ocean from forests in New England and eastern Canada to Caribbean islands as it migrates each fall toward its South American wintering grounds.

By placing miniature backpacks with geolocators on the birds, the researchers determined they flew an average of nearly 1,600 miles (2,540 km) over two to three days.

“No other bird this size migrates for this long in one go. It is truly one of the most amazing migratory feats ever recorded,” said ecologist Ryan Norris of the University of Guelph in Ontario, describing “a fly-or-die journey.”

They landed in Puerto Rico and Hispaniola, resting for a couple of days to a couple of weeks before flying to Colombia and Venezuela. University of Massachusetts ecologist Bill DeLuca described the migration as “on the brink of impossibility.”

The spring return flight follows a predominantly overland route through Florida and up the U.S. East Coast.

If you have any links to share, please do.

This is an open thread.


26 Comments on “Wednesday Reads: Fools Paradise”

  1. ANonOMouse says:

    This one’s getting a lot of play in the Gay Blogosphere this morning, thought y’all might enjoy

    INDIANA: Pizza Restaurant Vows To Refuse Service To Same-Sex Weddings

    “A small-town pizza shop is saying they agree with Governor Pence and the signing of the controversial Religious Freedom Restoration Act. The O’Connor family, who owns Memories Pizza, says they have a right to believe in their religion and protect those ideals. “If a gay couple came in and wanted us to provide pizzas for their wedding, we would have to say no,” says Crystal O’Connor of Memories Pizza.”

    “Kevin O’Connor, Crystal’s father, says he believes the negative backlash the bill and its supporters are getting isn’t fair. “That lifestyle is something they choose. I choose to be heterosexual. They choose to be homosexual. Why should I be beat over the head to go along with something they choose?” says Kevin O’Connor.”

    We don’t choose to be Gay and we won’t choose to serve pizza at our wedding reception.

    Found that at JMG and couldn’t stop laughing. It says it all.

    • gp says:

      Hopefully, people will stop doing business with this guy but in a small town I am pretty sure people already knew how the guy thinks.

    • bostonboomer says:

      Gee, that’s too bad. I’m sure lots of couples would like to have Pizzas at their reception. /s

  2. ANonOMouse says:

    JJ: Who was the commenter who had that picture of the smoking nuns on the front page of her blog? Do you remember?

  3. Fannie says:

    Instead of exchanging a piece of wedding cake at the ceremony, you exchange a piece of pepperoni. Yum.

    • ANonOMouse says:

      WWJD? Well if it was the “jesus” of the NT, he would deliver the pizza to the gay wedding, without thinking twice about it, he’d also change the water into wine on his way out. 🙂

  4. ANonOMouse says:

    Tech Industry Leaders Make Unprecedented & Historic Joint Statement to Legislators:

    “To ensure no one faces discrimination and ensure everyone preserves their right to live out their faith, we call on all legislatures to add sexual orientation and gender identity as protected classes to their civil rights laws and to explicitly forbid discrimination or denial of services to anyone.

    Anything less will only serve to place barriers between people, create hurdles to creativity and inclusion, and smother the kind of open and transparent society that is necessary to create the jobs of the future. Discrimination is bad for business and that’s why we’ve taken the time to join this joint statement.”

    Max Levchin, CEO, Affirm
    Mark Pincus, Chairman, Zynga
    Jeremy Stoppelman, CEO, Yelp
    Marc Benioff, CEO, SalesForce
    Jack Dorsey, CEO, Square
    Dick Costolo, CEO, Twitter
    Joe Green, CEO, Lyft
    Brian Chesky, CEO, AirBnB
    Joe Gebbia, CPO, AirBnB
    Nathan Blecharczyk, CTO, AirBnB
    Ron Conway, CEO, Axon JuriMed Group LLC
    John Donahoe, CEO, Ebay
    Paul Graham, CoFounder, YCombinator
    Rich Barton, Chairman, Zillow Group
    Chad Hurley, CEO, Mixbit
    Adora Cheung, CEO, Homejoy
    Phil Libin, CEO, Evernote
    Trevor Traina, CEO, IfOnly
    Nirav Tolia, CEO, NextDoor
    Dion Lim, CEO, NextLesson
    Bret Taylor, CEO, Quip
    Joe Lonsdale, CEO, Formation 8
    Thomas Layton, Chairman, Elance-odesk
    Fabio Rosati, CEO, Elance-odesk
    Dave Morin, CEO, Path
    Mark Goldstein, Chairman, BackOps
    Kevin Rose, CEO, North Technologies
    Yves Behar, CCO, Jawbone
    Padmasree Warrior, CTSO, Cisco Systems
    Tony Conrad, CEO, about.me
    Sunil Paul, CEO, Sidecar
    Michael Moritz, Chairman, Sequoia Capital
    Dan Schulman, President, PayPal
    Devin Wenig, President, eBay Marketplaces
    Robert Hohman, CEO, Glassdoor
    Laurene Powell Jobs, Founder and Chair, Emerson Collective
    Mohan Warrior, CEO, Alphalight
    David Spector, CIO, Penny Mac
    Shervin Pishevar, CoFounder, Sherpa Ventures

    http://www.hrc.org/blog/entry/tech-industry-leaders-make-unprecedented-historic-joint-statement-to-legisl

  5. iDikko says:

    Great read, thanks!