Wednesday Reads: Fools ParadisePosted: April 1, 2015
Well, another April Fools Day is here.
So here are your links for the day:
Hong Kong – 7-Eleven recruiting French sommeliers who speak Putonghua
In Hong Kong, it is almost 7pm. The worst of April Fools’ Day is thankfully behind them. But how do they celebrate April Fools’ Day in Hong Kong? Glad you ask. They apparently celebrate it by being legitimately impenetrable:
Website and print magazine Wine Times HK, best known for its forthright opinions on the local wine scene, managed to cram three issues into one hoax.
In a humorous sideswipe at the large number of new French arrivals on the F&B scene, the number of mainland tourists in the city and the struggle for custom between Lan Kwai Fong bars and convenience stores, Wine Times claimed that 7-Eleven would be recruiting French sommeliers who speak Putonghua to advise mainland customers.
And this one:
Props to Nature, though, for writing an article about why dragons are real with such unswerving verisimilitude that I read one line, thought ‘this is too clever for me’ and took their word for it, as I have with every Nature article I’ve ever tried to read.
- Beefeater is renaming itself Leafeater (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! But it is still the place you take your mum for mothers’ day when all the nice restaurants are booked)
- You can sleep in Costa Coffee now (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Although you technically can anyway because what are they going to do, kick you out for being tired, the Nazis?)
- Someone’s made tartan paint (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! I hate the world and everything in it!)
- Someone’s made a voice activated printer (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Even though that actually sounds like a good idea and whoever sent me this email is an idiot for not patenting it)
- There’s something called a reverse toilet (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Although to be fair I didn’t actually read this one because it made it sound like a machine that shoots someone else’s poo up your bumhole and it made me feel a bit sick)
- A cleaning service for dolls’ houses (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! Also, whimsy. A billion points deducted)
- Hailo have started a service that’s literally just a man giving you a piggyback (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! You’re still going to only use Uber anyway)
- Rosetta Stone can translate your dog’s barks now (ONLY JOKING! APRIL FOOL! However, it’s a scientific fact that everything your dog says is a variation of ‘I hate you, you are a bad owner, my life is filled with sadness and also most Rosetta Stone products are about 45% too expensive).
More at the link.
Other AFD jokes on the web: Tech sites lead on April Fools gags – BBC News
The Force – the mysterious energy field used by the Jedi in Star Wars – has been discovered by researchers at the Cern laboratory.
The European research centre announced its spoof discovery with pictures showing its scientists using The Force in everyday life.
It was one of many April Fools jokes seen on websites around the world.
“The Force is what gives a particle physicist his powers,” said Cern scientist Ben Kenobi of the University of Mos Eisley, Tatooine in a press release.
Many scientists at the centre were already using The Force, said the release, to communicate over long distances, influence minds and for “lifting heavy things out of swamps”.
Others from companies like Microsoft at that link as well…
The rest of the links are in dump format, yes I am still sick…and it is frustrating as hell.
The blackpoll warbler accomplishes a mighty big feat for a such a little bird.
Scientists on Tuesday documented how this songbird that weighs half an ounce (12 grams) completes an arduous nonstop flight over the Atlantic Ocean from forests in New England and eastern Canada to Caribbean islands as it migrates each fall toward its South American wintering grounds.
By placing miniature backpacks with geolocators on the birds, the researchers determined they flew an average of nearly 1,600 miles (2,540 km) over two to three days.
“No other bird this size migrates for this long in one go. It is truly one of the most amazing migratory feats ever recorded,” said ecologist Ryan Norris of the University of Guelph in Ontario, describing “a fly-or-die journey.”
They landed in Puerto Rico and Hispaniola, resting for a couple of days to a couple of weeks before flying to Colombia and Venezuela. University of Massachusetts ecologist Bill DeLuca described the migration as “on the brink of impossibility.”
The spring return flight follows a predominantly overland route through Florida and up the U.S. East Coast.
If you have any links to share, please do.
This is an open thread.