Middle School, and the hateful things that get said…

Sorry for the lateness of tonight’s post. It has been one of those dreadful nights, when a child gets upset….and another child gets called hateful things. Bullies can cause such pain with their actions, but there is also the kind of pain that comes from kids who whisper false lies and disgusting words. Rumor can be just as destructive as bullying, and it sticks with the person…it becomes labels that the child carries with them.

You know what is really disconcerting, is we see how things do not change once the bullies and the big mouths grow up into adult hood. There is something to be said about assholes…they were probably real jerks when they were kids.

I don’t have any links to share tonight. Just think of this as an open thread…

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27 Comments on “Middle School, and the hateful things that get said…”

  1. Oh….I am pissed tonight!

    • janicen says:

      I totally understand. I’ve been through this crap more times than I can count. I remember my daughter declaring that if she had one wish it would be that she could get through an entire school year without being bullied. It didn’t happen until she was a senior in high school and somehow someone decided she was cool. Kids are worse now than they ever were when I was growing up. I blame the parents but that doesn’t help the kids who are getting victimized now. Try to hide your anger from your child, JJ. If they see you are upset, the next time it happens they will try to protect you and not tell you about it. I hope the school officials do the right thing and things get better.

      • These kids are always making derogatory comments about my daughter, because she is big busted. It is these same exact kids that are calling her friend a “whore.” It gets me livid.

      • bostonboomer says:

        I’m sorry, JJ. Kids can be so mean sometimes.

      • NW Luna says:

        I am so sorry your daughter has to hear verbal diarrhea from callous idiots kids (likely with callous idiot parents).

    • dakinikat says:

      I can imagine. Kids can be so mean. Of course, you know where most of them learn that behavior …

    • My baby girl came home and told me something that is happening to a friend of hers…that I am very close to. She is one of my daughter close friends and spends a lot of time staying at our house. In fact I did her make up and hair this weekend for a dance they went to. (And it was not heavy. I used to do makeovers when I worked at Body Shop, so her makeup was professional looking.)

      It seems like the asshole kids keep picking on her with the same slander over and over again. It has been this way for the last 2 years. Ugh…

      • ANonOMouse says:

        I think the social media has made targeted bullying a lot worse then it was when I was growing up or when I was raising children. Some of the stories I’ve read about harassment via txt messaging, twitter and facebook are horrible.I hope the situation gets better soon, JJ.

    • RalphB says:

      Behind most bullying children, there are parents who aren’t quite doing it right. By nature, I think kids are somewhat cruel and unthinking but parents should really teach them better.

  2. ANonOMouse says:

    The hate is pretty thick all around us. Even those of us who left Jr. High over 50 years ago feel it.

    • Exactly mouse. Just like the asshole Romney, and how that boy he tormented at school was traumatized by his actions. Dak is right, they do learn that kind of behavior, but I also think that some people are just more prone to being dickheads, it is like that hateful bullying comes natural to them.

  3. Seriously says:

    I’m sorry. You have to wonder what’s going to happen in the future. I’m sure kids have always been pretty vile, but it does seem like they’re getting worse. What happens when they inherit the Earth. Of course vile kids have always grown up to be viler Masters of the Universe, but it sometimes seems like they’re growing in number and filtering through all classes. It’s Dharan Ravi’s world and we just live in it.

    • Yes, there should be some kind of program that teaches kids how to respond to the vile rumors that gets spread around…

      • Seriously says:

        And sometimes the rumors are true, and that’s even worse. Bullies are like vultures, they’ll pick on kids who have major life traumas, like drug addict parents or sexual abuse. They know the kids won’t tell anyone because they don’t want adults to find out about their situation, so it’s like a double whammy of emotional trauma to deal with.

  4. Okay, I have a link…talk about defensive actions when you need them: Fossil Ink Sacs Yield Jurassic Pigment—A First

    The ink’s been dry for 160 million years—but scientists have for the first time confirmed pigment in two fossilized ink sacs from cuttlefish-like animals, a new study says.

    The ancient ink’s similarity to modern squid ink suggests this defensive weapon hasn’t evolved much since the Jurassic period

  5. In some cases the bullies grow up & become preachers. Like the video above calling for genocide on “others” in this case gays.

    The bulling is. worse today.

    It is the responsibility of the schools to insure kids have a safe place.

    But the bullies can continue bring bullies & teach their kids the game.

  6. quixote says:

    How horrible, JJ. It’s bad enough when you’re an adult. Kids should never have to deal with that sort of meanspiritedness.

    It does seem to be worse than a generation ago. I think it has something to do with more ways of amplifying the bullying. You used to have to work a lot harder to spread a rumor, and it took longer so there was more time to inject a bit of sanity. The other factor seems to be that nobody in authority — teachers, other parents, older kids — thinks it’s up to them to put a stop to it. People used to butt in and tell bullies to pick on someone their own size all the time. Back when bullying was pretty much physical and not this way nastier psych crap that goes on now.

    I read something about how Finnish schools got serious about anti-bullying. What was effective was getting the bystanders to stop bystanding and to start interfering. I’ll look for the link.

  7. bostonboomer says:

    Here’s a news link: Bain and Financial Industry Gave More Than $565,000 To Newark Mayor Cory Booker For 2002 Campaign

    http://thinkprogress.org/election/2012/05/21/488002/bain-financial-industy-gave-over-565000-to-newark-mayor-cory-booker-for-2002-campaign/

    Why am I not surprised…..

      • quixote says:

        David Dayen has an interesting piece about Booker, Obama, and Wall St. money. His usual sharp pen:

        The same day Obama released his first attack ad on Bain Capital, he was holding a fundraiser in the home of private equity head Tony James of the Blackstone Group. Booker was following a time-honored tradition in the Democratic Party of the last decade or two, complete with the money-grubbing from Wall Street. With unions collapsing, this is the base of support to which Democrats with national ambitions have gone. Booker just got caught.

        Obama spoke about the Bain issue yesterday and showed the young, unlearned Booker how it’s done from a lip service standpoint: [...]

        … you still have your adoring fans. And Cory Booker doesn’t. Booker’s problem was that he let everyone behind the curtain see who was holding his puppet strings. Ah, the folly of youth.

  8. NW Luna says:

    I remember in high school overhearing some heartless girl say, while laughing: “Yeah, ya write “so-and-so is a bitch” on the bathroom wall, and then you hear em whine: “Who hates me?” She would just pick a name at random and hope for a reaction. What kind of person gets their jollies by trying to hurt others?

    Now, with Facebook and etc they have even more ways to spread poison. I keep thinking of ways to have them undergo the equivalent treatment.

  9. ecocatwoman says:

    JJ, I am so sorry that your daughter & her friend are having to deal with this. I was teased for being fat in elementary school, with kids taunting me with mean “rhymes”. It’s the primary reason that I don’t like children, in general. After working with feral cats, I’ve come to see children as feral creatures when they are born. Their parents need to socialize them and many don’t bother. Of course, many grow up unsocialized, without understanding or compassion for others. It is much like a predator/prey relationship.

    I got through the meanness because I had a strong belief in myself and my abilities. And, I refused to let them see how much their taunts bothered me. Sometimes, simply laughing in the faces of the mean ones helps. Your daughter & her friend have each other – they need to find strength in that and tell the other kids to piss off. They need to understand that the mean kids are the real losers. It’s tough, as a child especially, to develop a thick skin and ignore the taunts and nastiness.

    I discovered my feminist nature in elementary school, when I saw a boy in the distance. He was walking up to other girls & they went running away, screaming. I stood my ground, determined not to let him frighten me. When he approached, I saw he had put numerous green grass snakes into his shirt, and they were trying to escape through his sleeves & collar. I simply asked if I could hold one, scared the whole time. As it was over 50 years ago, my memory is that his face just melted, he was so crushed that his ploy didn’t work on me. As he walked away, he began pulling the snakes out of his shirt and walking away dejected. I beat him by standing up to him, and I also beat some of my own dragons to boot. It was a major life lesson for me.

    • Let’s see what happens today, your story about the snakes reminds me of something that I did in highschool…There was a student that was “mainstreamed” with our class. The usual assholes put a mouse into her book bag tote and she ran into the girls bathroom screaming. I grabbed the mouse out of her bag and held it as she calmed down and then walked out to the group of boys waiting for the show. I said my peace and let the mouse go…I also got that dejected look in return.

      I think having a brother with downs syndrome gave me the kind of strength to stand up for what I think is right. I spent my whole life putting people in their place for things they have said about my brother Denny…I know that there are many times when my emotions get the better of me and I take my passion for what I feel is right too far, but I can’t help it.

      • NW Luna says:

        I take my passion for what I feel is right too far…

        Not at all! If more people held strong and spoke up, like Mink and ecocat’s examples, we’d have fewer bullies.

  10. I never hated high school the way I hated middle school. Horrible bullying happens there, and it’s such a fragile age for the one being bullied.

    Keep being a great adult in this girl’s life, JJ. She needs people like you!